IS IT LOVE ... OR OBSESSION?

The phenomenon known as ‘love bombing’ is the practice of showering a new love interest incessantly with tokens of affection and admiration, for example, surprise messages in their post box or on their windshield, showing up unexpectedly with candy or flowers, picking them up for lunch unannounced, without asking beforehand, if they have other plans, delivering expensive gifts at work for everyone to see and clearly understand that they are ‘taken’, sending frequent text and voice messages telling them how beautiful, amazing or incredibly sexy they are, asking where they are and with whom, what they’re doing, how their day is going, etc.…

The idea of getting constant messages and daily tokens of affection may sound super romantic and may feel like a normal thing at the start of a relationship.

We’re so excited about this amazing new person that we don’t know what to do with ourselves…right?

Now let’s view it from another perspective.

Coming from a person who barely knows you well, this might as well be a red flag. Most people would feel comfortable with a relationship progressing at a gradual pace. While it might be normal to be fascinated by the other person in the infatuation phase of a relationship, it is not normal for a person you just started dating to start imposing themselves constantly, trying to steer and control the relationship without respecting your boundaries or allowing you the space to get to know them better.

When we talk about love bombing, we’re not talking about the healthy, teenager-style excitement at the start of a relationship. The ‘love bomber’ shows excessive and even obsessive attention and is busy all day long, using these ‘nice’ gestures as a control mechanism. The next step will be to convince you to spend more time with them, pushing your friends, your family, and even yourself, aside.

Couldn’t it be love at first sight? Cases of love at first sight of course do exist. There are people who instantly click, however, in that case, both people are comfortable with each other and with the pace at which the relationship develops. Keep in mind, that if you are a quiet, submissive, pleasing, and (co-)dependent person, or are insecure, consider yourself 'unlucky' in love, or having an emotionally challenging time, you are more vulnerable, and in this case the perfect victim of a person with narcissistic tendencies.

It is up to you to beware and protect yourself.

There are a minimum of three things you should pay attention to: The frequency, the persistence, and the pressure you feel. If a person you barely know starts making you feel uncomfortable by imposing themselves on you, drowning you in attention, and displaying harassing or controlling behavior, even if it’s in the slightest way, follow your gut instinct and immediately bail out of that connection. Keep in mind that people with narcissistic tendencies are super manipulative, so they will immediately switch into victim mode. Don’t fall into their trap. Trust your intuition and walk away.

Desiree Swaen